I never really thought I would be in a long distance relationship, because I never thought I was cut out for it. Not seeing your favourite person for a significant amount of time didn’t seem like something I could do. No hugs when I’m feeling down, no hand to hold when I need support, no smiling Kjære to cheer up my day. Not being able to do the same for Kjære is also a challenge. When any loved on is down you want to do what you can to help them and comfort them, but it’s somehow worse when it’s your partner in crime. They need a hug or want a cuddle and you’re not there to do that for them. You only have your words and your thoughts, smileys and the occasional picture of you doing a silly face to try and make it better. It’s a relationship where you are mostly on your own, and no matter how much you try to include your boyfriend/girlfriend in the memories you are making, you are not making memories together. Not as much as a non distance relationship at least. It’s no wonder that trying to stay positive is difficult when you know the next “I’ll see you soon” is actually an “I’ll see you in five weeks”.
I miss him. I miss him all day, every day, especially when I do things that I kow he would have loved, or do things that we used to do together all the time. I feel the pain of not having him around, but it’s bittersweet because the more I miss him the more I feel just how much he matters to me. Being in an LDR teaches you a lot about your own feelings and values. It very quickly reveals the depth of your emotions, even if you haven’t been together all that long. It teaches you to communicate your feelings more openly than ever, because there is no other way to deal with things. If you don’t tell them how you feel, they won’t know. So you tell them. You communicate. You have datenights over Skype and bring each other out to cafés on Facetime. Watch movies together on Rabb.it and make a joint calendar in the “Couple” app. You play Words With Friends and Quiz Up and exchange endless “I Miss You”s and “I Love You”s while squeezing the teddy or cardigan that has their perfume/cologne on. You stay independent and do your own thing, but if you ever feel down their words or smiling face is there in front of you on the screen. They are there for you even if you can’t reach out and poke them in the cheek or ruffle their hair. Your long distance boyfriend or girlfriend is there and you prioritize each other. You stay busy, you stay focused on the end goal and you keep on growing as people, together and apart.
It turns out I can be in an LDR, however difficult it might be. I am doing it. We are doing it. I haven’t seen Kjære in a month and I won’t see him again until next Sunday, but we’re doing it. And it’s going better than expected. We’ve made a schedule for our visits and if everything goes to plan 5 weeks is the longest we’ll go without seeing each other. We’re focusing on all the memories we will be making together, trying to keep a positive mind, playing the waiting game to the best of our abilities. We Skype when we need to Skype and share little tidbits of our days as we go along, the mundane and the exciting. He’s my best friend and like any best friend I know he has my back, distance or no distance.
I’m not going to say that LDRs are grand, because they are not. They suck. There is crying, loneliness and a bunch of other sad feelings when it feels like the days are standing still and the countdown has stopped. But LDRs are also amazing. He gets to live his dream of studying abroad and becoming fluent in a new language, I get to fulfill my dream by finishing my degree in England (technically abroad for me too) and we’re still together. Living two different dreams in two different countries, all the while maintaining a relationship with our favourite person. The timing of when we met might not have been the best. The irony of him going to Scandiniavia while I’m in England isn’t lost on any of us. But we want each other to be happy and that’s the most important thing.
Giving up a few hugs here and a lazy sunday in bed there… Well, it’s not that much of a sacrifice when you’re both doing what makes you happy and you know that the person you love wants you to do it. A relationship is all about making each other happy and if a little temporary distance is needed so that you both can be the happiest you can be… then a little distance is no obstacle at all.
Does this sound familiar to any of you? Xxx